In the many years of working in the financial world, without skipping a beat, people blame money as the direct cause of pain and suffering.  Just recently, a client, whose partner is heroically enduring debilitating cancer treatments, began to misdirect her sadness and anger about her beloved’s situation to not having enough money.  Instead of accessing her true feelings and authentically expressing her fear, sadness and anger, it was easier to grasp at money and spew energies toward this mystery rather than face the painful truth of her situation.  Skillfully the conversation was opened and we were able to navigate to what really mattered for her and her husband.

Money is an easy target to avoid the truth.  Life presents many situations and uncertainties – both painful and joyful – to learn, grow and make choices.  Money, like trees, rocks, buildings, water, is just there in the midst of the confusion as you endeavor to gain clarity and peace.

When life presents uncertainties, confusion, and pain, how do you avoid the truth by blaming money?  What are your unique ways of creating more pain and suffering by bringing money into the picture?

This weekly wonder question may seem quite simple. And in many ways it is simple. But I am opening my curiosity around this topic after a client meeting today. Our client, let me call him Sam, shared a delightful and provocative story about his two teenage children. His 16 year old daughter started working for a local hardware store to earn spending money and to exercise the “work” muscle. (The work muscle is the place in our body-mind system that gets exercised when we are gainfully employed.) When Sam’s daughter received her first paycheck, she had a hissy fit. First she thought that the hardware company made a big mistake; then she noticed the deductions for federal taxes, state taxes, social security and Medicare. “Dad! What are all of these taxes? What the heck is Medicare???” A week later her 14 year old brother asked for a $20.00 loan. To which she replied, “Do you have any idea how many hours I have to work in order to earn $20.00? Four! I work four hours to earn $20.” Welcome to the world of workers.

Sam smirked as he told this story. He was also very proud of his daughter, who was learning skillfully, through direct experience, about work and all that working entails: earning money, saving money, choosing where to spend money, valuing time, valuing talent, sensing the benefit of doing work that you really like and more.

I appreciate this story and continue to wonder about the pathways to teach youth about work, particularly work done well. There is no one answer. What was your pathway to work? Would you recommend that path to youth today?

Curiosity is the opening in a relationship that allows client trust and confidence to build. To heighten curiosity, you must release any preconceived beliefs. Curiosity captures people’s hearts and minds. If a client witnesses your sincere curiosity about his life and his planning goals, he will be more willing and more enthusiastic in sharing his desires with you. Coupled with curiosity, it is necessary to dispel our own preconceived ideas about who people are and what their objectives should be. If we fail to listen and explore our client’s true motives and values, we may inadvertently fail to fulfi ll our client’s hope when he first sought our counsel. We may unconsciously lead our clients to leave a legacy of problems instead of a legacy of peace.

Howard Hughes is an example of this situation. As most people know, Howard Hughes was one of the wealthiest men in the world, but when he died, it became apparent that despite his vast wealth, he lived a life that resembled a life of poverty and desperation.

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Today I facilitated an online financial Q & A program for the Boston.com chat and the Financial Planning Association.  A few weeks ago I answered “hotline” calls from individuals all over the US for the National Association for Personal Financial Advisors. Completing the program today, I wondered about the connection with each person and the questions they struggled with concerning their finances.  In all cases there was an interior personal discovery component that called for attention; this is an area to highlight as the invisible interior (deeply held beliefs) is not always obvious.  Most often the catalyst for connection was a rather simple financial question that caused the questioner concern.  Should I pay down my mortgage? Should I contribute to my 401(k) or my son’s college savings when I do not have enough income for both?  If I plan to purchase a home in one year, where should I invest the down payment? I’ve paid off my home mortgage; should I take out a low interest bearing mortgage and invest in stocks? And the questions continued.

Completing the online chat I thought there has to be a plethora of FAQ’s on every financial type website that would answer these specific questions.  But then it dawned on me that the sterile FAQ offerings do not directly connect to a person.  Money carries such a weight that the “boiler plate” answer doesn’t touch us.  We want direct connection; we want to be seen and felt; we want to believe that our unique question is, in fact, unique.  It seems that direct connection, even if only from an online chat or a random voice on the phone, enables one to be seen, generates trust, and can ignite energy to move toward a goal.

When it comes to money, what do you require as a catalyst for connection to foster clarity, trust and actions?

Minute one: Bring to mind a recent or distant experience of anger, frustration, agitation, irritation or rage.  Allow the story to fully engage your senses.

Minute two: With the story and emotion in full energy, tune into your body and notice where the tension is most alive.

Minute three: Now, vigorously move your body. Stomp your feet. Flap your arms. Clench your teeth and jaws. Gyrate your torso. Fully engage your body!

Minute four: Add sound to your movement to match the energy. Experiment with high and low tones. Sustain the sound that most enlivens and matches you.

Minute five: Thoroughly exhaust the energy you brought to this practice. Transition finding your breath into a calm presence.

Complete your practice by reflecting on your story and notice the shifts in your body (thoughts, feelings and sensations).  What has opened for you?

One of the roles I fill at Colman Knight is Trainer/Teacher/Mentor.  In this role I source new talent to fill all of the roles and accountabilities for the company to meet its purpose. Recently I asked everyone to complete their own unique abilities assessment in support of a conversation with me about their skills, interests and desired placement in the firm. The process for reflection and discovery was illuminating for everyone. I was also struck by how easy it was to sit with another and mirror back their own discoveries of worth and talent. When was the last time you pondered your unique skills?

Unique talent is a vital part of Human Capital. It holds your natural ability; you have extraordinary capacity for imaginative creation, original thought and discovery. Your unique abilities enable you to earn income, offer valuable energy to the world, relate well with others, and evolve your life. To discover (or affirm) your unique talents, answer these questions:

• What activities feel like play?
• When do you receive the most compliments?
• When does time fly by and results blossom?
• When do you feel most fully alive?
• What are your unique talents rarely found in others?

Now, with those answers, where can your human capital come to life?

For February, the month of Love and Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be perfect to devote our attention to estate plans, those plans that come to life during and after one’s last life transition. The typical “basic” estate documents and a brief definition are outlined below. Depending upon your situation, including the state in which you reside, you may or may not need all of them. I highly recommend that you make a conscious decision about each.

Durable Power of Attorney for finances – lets you name a person to handle your finances in times when you are unable to handle them yourself.

Durable Power of Attorney for health care, or health care proxy – lets you name the person you want making your health care decisions if you are unable to make them yourself.

Living Will - spells out your wishes regarding end-of-life care and removes the burden of making these decisions from your relatives.

Last Will and Testament – lets you provide direction about how your assets are to be distributed and who is to be the guardian for minor children.

Revocable Living Trust – enables the assets you put in the trust to be distributed to your heirs without going through probate. Also enables you to name a successor trustee who can step in to manage the trust assets during your lifetime, if you become incapacitated.

Estate documents are the last formal communication from one family member or friend to another. The motivation for drafting and executing estate documents is primarily money – preservation of wealth, ensuring funds for specific goals (college), survivor income, avoiding probate, charitable giving and more. I would like to suggest including another motivation: your heart. Consider the opportunity to pass along a beautiful gesture of love infused in your well-planned estate documents. You can accomplish this intention several ways.

First, simply include the presence of the heart when you draft and execute your documents. Second, depending on your state of residence and whether “non-legalese” is allowed in the legal document, include a statement or two in the document that expresses your heart’s desire. Third, consider writing a non-binding letter to your heirs that casually communicates what your formal legal documents could not. These are sometimes called Ethical Wills.  There are many processes to support your clarity and creation; in February’s MoneyMoves™ News under Be Inspired I offer a favorable process and resource developed by Susan Turnbull. Lastly, I recommend that you communicate with your heirs, prior to your demise, all of the details, appointments and intentions that are written in your estate plan. This action can be a challenge and some professionals hesitate to encourage that interaction. However, if you desire for your family to easily move through the estate transition process, transparency and open communication support that desire better than any other.

Consider the following documents. Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I have a current executed _____________ (name of document)?

We recommend that when life circumstances change and/or the estate laws change, you consider updating your last will and testament and revocable trusts. Durable powers need to be “refreshed” every three years so that financial institutions will accept them as current.

• Do I need a _________________ (name of document)?

Depending upon your situation, you may or may not require all of these documents. Everyone has a last will and testament; the question is whether it is written by you, or by your state of residence. If you have not declared your last will, the state statutes dictate how your estate affairs will be handled. This distribution may or may not be what you desire. Some states dictate which document is binding for health matters. For example, in Massachusetts, a health care proxy is preferred over a living will.

• If I do need this document and my version is old, what is the ultimate result I want to achieve?  Then, what is the process to achieve that result and what is the next step to move this goal forward?

Once you are clear about the documents you need, create a process to follow, with specific action steps to complete. State-specific online resources may be helpful for getting a basic idea of what to include in each document, but if you have any questions I recommend a review by an attorney to ensure they are current. If your situation is complex, you may need to hire an attorney for the entire process.

After your written estate plan is executed, consider if there are any other “end of life” matters that call for your attention. These include your health documents, your long term care insurance, possessions that are more burden than pleasure, communication in relationships and so on. While these are not the subject of this article, they remain important in holding the motivation to not leave a mess! In fact, bring to mind the intent of your last act of love without any messes – what does that look like?

Please note: the above article is for information only and should not be construed as legal advice.

Life always presents a beautiful message and opportunity to learn and grow.  Here’s my learning from over the weekend.  My sister and I traveled by plane from different states to Florida to assist my 81 year old mother with clearing treasures.  Our mother expressed several times over the years that she wanted us to come down to her home and assist her with distributing the personal and family chattel that she has enjoyed (or stored) over the years.  Last fall we arranged our schedules and made plans for 5 days of connecting, clearing and sorting.  From the beginning, it became very clear (speaking of clearing) that each of us had a different concept of the purpose of the gathering and how to go about the experience.

Fast forward to the drive to the airport home … what happened and what did I learn? Well, this isn’t funny, until it is.  We spent three full days throwing out garbage, organizing decades of various projects yet to be started – much less completed, cleaning bugs, dirt and dust in the crevices of darkness behind furniture/bookshelves/”units”, sorting books and other household goods for the thrift shop, and laughing hysterically at STUFF and the idiosyncrasies of habit and holding on.  At least, this is my perspective. And did I mention we were only in her bedroom?

My biggest learning – and one that I am applying right now is – Don’t Leave a Mess – for those you loveto clean up after your body is gone.  My sister very lovingly and boldly offered this statement to our oldest bachelor brother who tends to store his stuff like our mother.  I am spreading the word.

Do you have any messes?

[This article appeared in the Boston Globe/Boston.com on January 26th, 2012]

Because money and finances directly impact our survival and are a lifelong growth and learning opportunity, we’re sometimes challenged and short-sighted when it comes to our money matters.

This article and subsequent chat invites you to expand your view by taking a few steps back and seeing some of the aspects of life that directly impact your financial well-being, but are sometimes hidden due to perceived urgency in specific matters.

Click here for the Chat page.  If you miss the live chat, this link will remain active indefinitely with the recorded version.