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A Hot Mess or Just Part of the Ride?

Each month a topic for Somatic Finance arises from current reality. The current state of affairs and my mind present relevant authentic topics and articles to share. Truth be revealed, there is a part of me who would like a clean, structured, annual writing chart that dictates monthly topics. I would write the 3rd day of each month for 1 hour at precisely 9:00 and the flow of publishing would glide to your inbox at the optimum moment you are ready, willing and able to enjoy. Then the alarm goes off….

So what is current reality in this moment?

Last month’s topic of balance, has given way to not much balance at all. I offer ‘hot mess or part of the ride’ as a name for this period in time. Let me paint a picture for you.

I am sitting in my dining room typing on my laptop. Prior to sitting, I spent at least ½ hour clearing stuff off of the table and sorting, just enough, to make the space workable. A few moments ago I turned my head left and spotted a large bolt of black construction protection paper for floors. (We completed a complicated bathroom renovation last fall and surprise frozen/broken water pipes in the winter.) The floor protection paper was for that work. I say to myself, this could be worse; I could have missed this for another year.

My life is jam-packed with concerns, obligations, desires, passions, wants, needs … and so is yours. Some of us are skilled at being on the ride. Some of us tilt – out of balance – and become a hot mess. I am on the verge of a hot mess and offer the aspects of these moments, months, and movements that brought me here.

It isn’t enough to say that my parents are declining and need care. I must share that they are doing their life the way they want and though some of us are reacting with distress, burden and fear, it is what is happening. My three siblings and I hold different experiences and views on the matter. So while we give our time and energy to our parents, we also unearth all of the childhood debris that has been hidden for over 50 years. I am beautifully – yes I claim skill here – seeing the strategies I employed to navigate early childhood and cleaning up that debris, in the face of others who may or may not have such skill. It is a chess game in a house of rotating and moving mirrors.

It isn’t enough to say that I am a managing partner of a financial services business – a profession mired in confusion, fear and uncertainty. I must share that operating an evolving business, within a field of old-school thinking and controlling rules made necessary by unethical leaders, requires supercharged resiliency.  I must share that the demands of running an organization, training individuals in our work, completing tasks to satisfy internal operations and external client services, requires a montage of capacities. I must share that the complexities of the human experience are magnified tenfold when money is part of the equation. Every aspect of life is touched by money.

It isn’t enough to say that I am writing a book for the world, about Somatic Finance, to alleviate money suffering. I must share that writing is a complex, nuanced journey, especially for a person, me, who is learning to claim her authorship. I must share that I already engage a full-time position as a financial planner, a full-time position as a business owner, a full-time position as a master integral coach, a full-time position as a volunteer, mother, daughter, sister, spouse, friend, student, teacher, partner, gardener (oh how I love gardening.)

It isn’t enough to say that I am deeply concerned about life on earth, this planet and the capacity for world leaders to make decisions that include the welfare of all beings. This message is not built to withstand a political debate. But, like all of you, I am steeped in our hurting world – learning new moves and taking fearless steps as best as I am able.

I’ll pause here to take a breath. Please breathe with me as you wonder into your own hot mess or the ride of your life.

And yet here I am so concerned about others’ needs, wants and desires that the fire in my belly has grown from frustration to rage and my back aches. Fortunately I am not frothing at the mouth scurrying like a Tasmanian devil. But I am very close. My body, my best friend, supports this truth, and me, always. I am engaging practices to support my growth. My developmental practices are showing me my current way of being so that I may develop new muscles to abide – heartfully – on the ride … this ride of life.

How are you in this present time, this present moment?
How are the messages to “be here now” and power of positive thinking working for you?
How do the hundreds of online courses to shapeshift your mind, heart and soul meet you when all hell is breaking loose?

No answers are offered. I am wondering with you, and I notice a tiny smile followed by a bubble giggle. Writing, revealing, offering – authentic expression – allows the crack to open further and light to shine in.

Be fully in your hot mess or on the ride.
I’m on mine.

Riding hot and messy,

 

 

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